I’ve come to the conclusion that learning about whiteness and current-day racism can evoke reactions similar to the 5 Stages of Grief (I’m only basing this off of my own experience):

Denial: No way. This can’t really be true. Not all white people are bad. Only the ones who say ‘nigger’ and wear white hoods. This isn’t true. I mean racism still exists but it can’t still be that rampant in this day and age.

Anger: I can’t believe I was so blind to this! Fuck white people! Why the hell should we have to go through this anyway! Fuck white people! FUCK EVERYBODY.

Bargaining: Okay. Clearly, the only way things will change is if I go out of my way to educate every white person I see. Even the ones that don’t give a shit about me. If I  just answer all of their condescending questions then they’ll finally see. I mean, this takes an awful amount of energy on my part and 9/10 the white person will just keep trying to debate me and not listen to what I’m saying but I need to put up with it because it’s the only way things will change…it’s what I have to do.

Depression: Fuck this. Even the nicest, kindest, most decent white person is going to be racist to some regard so what’s even the point? What’s the point of anything? How am I supposed to get by knowing that every white person I see doesn’t see me as a human being? It’s inescapable. What’s the point?

Acceptance: I need to work on myself. I’ll continue to learn all I can and grow as a person. If someone close to me does something offensive or problematic, I’ll call them out on it and try to get them to see that what they did was wrong, and hope that someone would do the same for me. I’m not going to waste my words on people who choose not to listen. I’m going to grow for me, and if people in my life refuse to change or won’t accept my changes as well, I’ll have to be done with them.

At the moment, I have my days where I fluctuate from Anger to Acceptance.